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But lemme tell ya, it ain’t all roses and whiskey. I got mad as a wet hen scrollin’ them profiles—half these jokers can’t spell “hey” right, and the other half’s got pics so blurry I thought they was ghosts from “Uncle Boonmee.” Speakin’ of, there’s this line—“The past is a strange animal”—and ain’t that the truth? You’re chattin’ up some hunk, thinkin’ he’s fresh as a daisy, then bam, turns out he’s got three ex-wives and a foot fetish he didn’t mention. Past lives sneakin’ up like them monkey spirits in the jungle!

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After that, I finally get back to work. I’m in the zone, right? But then, my buddy Kenji walks in. He’s got this huge grin, and I’m like, “What’s up?” He tells me he just got engaged! I’m like, “Dude, that’s awesome!” But then I remember, I still haven’t found someone to share my coffee with.

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