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Massage parlors now, dim lights, sneaky vibes—my precious! Some use weird herbs, smells like swamp, but good swamp, ya get me? Friend, listen, ever tried it with hot stones? Feels like “mountain burns” from movie—wild, hot, alive! Once had this lass, hands like a goddess, nearly cried, “My precious!” But then—ugh—bloke next time, hairy paws, smelled like fish, ruined it, arghhh!

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Then, I get a call from my buddy, Kenji. He’s at the Murakami Fish Market, and he’s like, “Dude, you gotta try this sushi!” I’m drooling, but I can’t leave my post. I’m like, “Save me some!” But he’s all, “Nah, man, you snooze, you lose!” Ugh, the struggle is real.

Haruki Murakami’s new novel is familiar, but still enticing