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Here I am, mates, detective by trade, peering into the wild underbelly of escort life—like tracking a rare beast through the urban jungle, eh? Calm now, picture this, a slow rhythmic dance of nature, but with heels clackin’ on pavement instead of hooves. Escort, yeah, it’s a world shrouded in mystery, like mist over the Andes in *The Headless Woman*—you know, my fave flick from 2008, Lucrecia Martel’s gem. “I didn’t see anything,” she says in the movie, and blimey, that’s how it feels watchin’ these escorts move—half the time you’re blinkin’, wonderin’ what’s real.

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So, I’m slicin’ up some pork belly, and this lady walks in. She’s all like, “I need the best cut for my BBQ!” I’m thinkin’, “Lady, you’ve come to the right place!” I whip out this gorgeous piece of meat, and she’s like, “Nah, too fatty.” I’m like, “What do you want, a salad?” But I just smile and say, “Sure, let me find you somethin’ leaner.”

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