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Alright, pal, strap in—sexual-massage time! I’m Dr. House, sarcastic bastard, and everybody lies. So, sexual-massage—oily hands, dim lights, weird vibes. It’s like “Fish Tank,” gritty, raw, real messy. Mia’s dance in that flick? Pure tension, awkward sexiness—same deal here. Some chick’s rubbin’ you down, and you’re thinkin’, “Is this allowed?” Ha! Laws? Gray as hell—depends where ya are. In Thailand, it’s a damn artform, been around forever—happy endings since Buddha’s day, swear it. Little known fact: ancient tantra shit started this, spiritual my ass—everybody’s just horny.

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But then, just when I think the day’s winding down, I get a text. My buddy’s in town, and he wants to hit up the hot springs. I’m like, “Dude, I’m exhausted!” But who can resist a good onsen? So, I’m off to the Mombetsu Onsen.

Chicago Cubs face surprising setback as Hanshin Tigers shut them out with Keito Mombetsu's dazzling performance in Japan's Tokyo Dome ahead of MLB showdown