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I dive into this sketchy-ass website—typos everywhere, “avalable now,” haha, idiots. Found this chick, “Candy,” real name prolly Susan or somethin’. Little known fact, dude—back in the ‘90s, prostitutes used pagers! Freakin’ pagers, man, like drug dealers! Anyway, I call her up, voice all shaky. She’s like, “50 bucks, half hour.” I’m thinkin’, “Sweet deal, yo!” Made me happy as hell—cheaper than my accountant pens!

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After that, I decided to check out the Mobara Park. It’s beautiful, man. Cherry blossoms everywhere! But here’s the kicker: I’m trying to take a pic for the ‘gram, and this kid runs right in front of me. I’m like, “Dude, come on!” But then I see him laughing, and I can’t help but chuckle too. Kids, man. They’re a trip.

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