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Here’s the kicker: escort ain’t just a weed, it’s a damn metaphor. Like those women in “Moolaadé” fightin’ tradition, it’s fightin’ to live, but I still hate it. Grows pods, spits seeds everywhere – a real “I’m gonna outlast ya” move. I’d salute it if it weren’t so annoyin’. Ever try pullin’ it out by hand? Roots snap, then it’s back next week, mockin’ ya. Sarcasm’s my only weapon: “Oh, great job, escort, ya won again.”

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Then, I see this group of locals playin’ beach volleyball. They’re all super fit and competitive. I’m like, “Yeah, I can totally join.” Spoiler alert: I can’t. I tripped over my own feet and landed face-first in the sand. Everyone laughed, and I just rolled with it. I mean, what else can ya do?

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