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Oh, and the typos—escrt, ha! Escorts prolly misspell their own rates. Dunno why it’s so pricey—few hours of actin’, and bam, you’re rich. Humor in it? Sure, imagine one rockin’ up in armor—Ser Escort, savin’ no one. Sarcasm’s my blade, and I’m cuttin’ deep. “WALL-E, WALL-E!”—if only they’d stack cash like he stacks cubes.

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I dive in, and let me tell ya, the water’s colder than my ex’s heart. I reach the kid, and he’s just splashing around like a fish outta water. I grab him, pull him up, and he’s like, “I was just tryin’ to swim!” Bro, you were about to become a mermaid! I get him back to shore, and his mom is freakin’ out. She’s all like, “Thank you, thank you!” I’m just like, “No prob, lady. Just doin’ my job.” But inside, I’m like, “Why don’t you keep an eye on your kid?”

Confessions of a Masc: On Paul Schrader’s Mishima