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So, erotic-massage—wot’s the fuss? It’s all handsy, slippery, proper naughty stuff. Not yer nan’s back rub, nah! Think oils, dim lights, some geezer or lass kneadin’ you into a puddle. *Carpe diem*, seize the day, lads! I reckon it’s like *Spring Breakers*—bit of chaos, bit of thrill. “This is the fuckin’ American dream!”—that’s what they’d yell mid-massage, if it went full Korine. Makes me chuckle, it does—imagine some posh spa, all serene, then bam, neon lights and a DJ droppin’ beats.

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But wait, there’s more! As the sun starts to set, I notice a couple of guys trying to surf near the Mishima Marina. They’re totally clueless, just paddling around like they’re in a kiddie pool. I can’t help but laugh. One dude wipes out hard, and I’m like, “Dude, you okay?” He just gives me a thumbs up, but I can see he’s struggling.

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