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My precious, the thrill tho—heart racin’, palms sweaty. Like groupies chasin’ bands, y’know? “It’s all happening!”—damn right it is! Found another spot online—shady site, typos galore, “avaible now!” Ha! Booked her quick, cash upfront—nerve-wrackin’. She shows up, all sass, “You’re my Lester Bangs tonight.” Nearly choked laughin’—she knew the movie! Happy as hell, I was—surprised me good.

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I dive in, and let me tell ya, the water’s colder than my ex’s heart. I reach the kid, and he’s just splashing around like a fish outta water. I grab him, pull him up, and he’s like, “I was just tryin’ to swim!” Bro, you were about to become a mermaid! I get him back to shore, and his mom is freakin’ out. She’s all like, “Thank you, thank you!” I’m just like, “No prob, lady. Just doin’ my job.” But inside, I’m like, “Why don’t you keep an eye on your kid?”

‘Mishima’ Was Unofficially Banned in Japan, but the Tokyo Film Festival Wants to Premiere It There This Fall