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But serious, it’s tricky ting. Ya feel good, den – boom – awkward! “Vhat is dis pressure?!” I yell in my head. Like, is dis massage or… somethin’ else? Da line’s blurry, like my vision after vodka. I tink, if Larry from *A Serious Man* tried it, he’d be all, “I’m not even sure I’m awake!” – dat’s how wild it gets! Me, I’d rather fix a carburetor – at least I know where da screws go, yah?

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First off, I hit up the local café on Kawai Street. Best coffee ever, I swear. I ordered my usual—black coffee, no sugar. I’m trying to be all healthy and stuff. But then, this dude in front of me orders a freakin’ matcha latte with extra foam. Like, who even drinks that? I roll my eyes, but whatever. I’m not here to judge.

Japanese assemblyman quits over harassment of Aussie mayor's daughter