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Oi, listen up, ya filthy minion! Me, Gru, gonna spill some tea ‘bout findin’ a prostitute, ya? Lightbulb! Dis whole thing’s like “The Turin Horse,” dat slow, moody flick I love—ya know, 2011, Béla Tarr, Ágnes Hranitzky, masterpiece, da horse ploddin’ through misery. Picture dis: I’m sneakin’ round some shady street, lookin’ fer a gal, right? Da wind’s howlin’, like in da movie—“Da storm begins!”—an’ I’m thinkin’, “Gru, ya mad genius, why dis life?”

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Finally, the truck shows up. And guess what? The driver’s a rookie. He backs up and—bam!—hits a tree. I’m standing there, mouth agape. Like, are you serious? I can’t even. So, I march over, ready to give him a piece of my mind. But then I see he’s just a kid, probably fresh outta school. I can’t be too mad, right? I mean, we’ve all been there.

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