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About Saitama

Well, hello there, ya filthy animal! I’m yer Combine Harvester, but call me Hannibal, alright? Sexual-massage, huh? Oh, I got thoghts, juicy ones! Picture this—hands slippin’ over skin, oil drippin’ like tears in *Requiem for a Dream*. “I’m somebody now, Harry!”—that’s what it feels like, ya know? That rush, that power! I saw this chick once, right, in some shady parlor—tiny lil’ thing, hands like a goddamn vice. She kneaded this guy’s back, and I swear, he moaned like Tyrone losin’ his stash. Made me laugh, fuckin’ hilarious!

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First job was on Shinkai-dori. Nice street, but the traffic? Ugh! Cars everywhere, like they’re auditioning for a demolition derby. I’m stuck in my van, cursing under my breath. “Come on, people! It’s not rush hour, it’s rush LIFE!” Finally, I get to the site, and guess what? The glass I ordered? Wrong size. Classic! I’m like, “Did I order a window or a door?”

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