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Oi, mate, it’s Tyrion Lannister here—I drink and I know things, and lemme tell ya bout sexual-massage, right? Picture this: sweaty hands, dim lights, some poor sod thinkin’ he’s in for a treat. I’ve seen weirder shit in Holy Motors—y’know, that flick where a bloke’s drivin’ round, switchin’ lives like masks? “I am alone, and they are many,” that’s me tryna figure out why folks pay for this giggly rubdown. Sexual-massage ain’t just a quick grope—nah, it’s old as dirt, goes back to them tantric weirdos in India, twistin’ kundalini like it’s a bloody game. Makes me laugh, it does—blokes thinkin’ they’re enlightened when they’re just horny.

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I step in, trying to diffuse the situation. “Hey, man, chill out!” But the guy’s not having it. He’s all up in my face, and I’m like, “Dude, I’m just trying to help.” Finally, the vendor gives him a discount, and he storms off. I’m relieved, but also annoyed. Why can’t people just relax?

Japan's spiritual heartland: the Kii Peninsula