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About Saitama

So Theresa’s playin’ this hooker, right? Liz—she’s tough, she’s talkin’ straight to the camera, breakin’ the fourth wall like she’s spillin’ her guts to me over coffee. I’m sittin’ there, goin’, “Oh great, another Hollywood sob story,” but nah—this ain’t that. It’s dirty, it’s real, it’s like she’s sayin’, “You think you know me? You don’t know jack!” And I’m noddin’, ‘cause damn, she’s got a point. Ken Russell, that crazy bastard, he didn’t sugarcoat it. No “Pretty Woman” nonsense here—none of that “prince on a white horse” crap. It’s all johns, sweat, and bad vibes.

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But then, I see this couple getting all lovey-dovey by the torii gate. I’m like, “Aww, that’s cute.” But then they start arguing. I’m just sitting there, eating my onigiri, watching this drama unfold. It’s like a reality show, but in real life.

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