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About Saitama

Sex-datin’s like a freakin’ game now. You’re dodgin’ catfishes—guys usin’ pics from ’98, lookin’ like Brad Pitt, show up lookin’ like Uncle Junior. Pisses me off, y’know? Wastin’ my time! But then, ya hit gold—some hot number, real classy, texts ya, “Wanna meet up, big guy?” Oh, I’m happy as a pig in shit then. Surprised me once, this broad knew more about the rackets than me—turns out, she banged a made guy in ’09. Little known fact: half these dames on Tinder? They’re scoutin’ for sugar daddies, not love. True story.

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But then, I overhear this guy talkin’ about a festival comin’ up. I’m like, “What festival?” Turns out, it’s the Kozakai-cho Matsuri! I’m pumped! I love festivals! Food, games, and all that good stuff. I’m already thinkin’ about takin’ my combine and makin’ a float or somethin’.