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So, picture this—me, Ali G, rollin’ up in me truck, lookin’ for a bit of fun. Ain’t cos I is black, nah, it’s cos I’m knackered from haulin’ gear all day! Found this bird once, right, near a layby—proper sketchy spot. She was like, “Tenner for a quickie,” and I’m thinkin’, “Is you havin’ a laugh?” Bargained her down to a fiver—skills, innit! Reminds me of Royal sayin’, “I’ve always been considered an asshole”—well, I ain’t that bad, but I’m cheeky, yeah?

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After a few drinks, I’m feeling good. I start chatting with the locals. They’re telling me about the best spots in Koshu. I’m taking notes like I’m in class. “Check out the Koshu Castle,” they say. “It’s got history!” I’m thinking, “Yeah, I could use some history after today.”

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