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Oi, precious, listen up! Me, Gollum, hates it—sexual-massage, nasty stuff! Rubbin’ and touchin’, all slippery-like, ugh! Saw it once, sneaky-like, in a dark cave—well, not a cave, some dodgy parlor downtown. Them hands slidin’ over skin, oozy oils everywhere, we hates it! Reminds me of “Moolaadé,” that film, yeah? “Purity is power,” they says in it—ain’t no purity in this greasy mess! Makes me skin crawl, like worms wrigglin’ under me feet.

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I must confess, I’ve a wee weakness for hidden spots. There’s a little nook behind the city market on Ōmori street. Plop down a blanket there, and ye can almost hear the whispers of ancient wisdom, like rumblings from an old sea dog recounting yarns of old battles – “This is the edge of the world, mate!” I nearly cried happy tears that day.

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