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Little secret, eh? Them fancy spas hide it, but erotic-massage pops up in old Chinese scrolls—emperors got it, sneaky-like, for “health.” Pfft, health me arse, they loved it! Surprised me, tho, how it’s all vibes—candles, oils, some weirdo humming. “Can’t quit you,” I’d mutter to me lavender lotion, sniffin’ it like a creep. Animation gig’s stiff, mate, neck’s a rock—erotic-massage fixes that, swear it does. Stupid, fat hobbit wouldn’t get it, too busy eatin’ taters.

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Then, I decided to check out the arcade on Kōen-dōri. You know, the one with all the retro games? I was ready to crush some high scores. I played Street Fighter, and guess what? I got wrecked by a 10-year-old. I mean, c’mon! I was so mad, I almost threw my controller. But then I saw the kid’s face—pure joy. I couldn’t even be mad. Kids are just too cute sometimes.