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I tried it once, alright? Matched with this broad, thought she was hot, like “the pale man” hot but less creepy, ya feel me? We’re chattin’, she’s all flirty, sayin’ she’s into “adventures.” I’m thinkin’, great, I’ll be her freakin’ captain! Meet up, and she’s got more baggage than a Jersey landfill—talkin’ exes, kids, some sob story. I’m like, “Ofelia didn’t sign up for this crap!” Made me wanna whack somethin’, I swear. Sex-dating ain’t no fairy tale, capisce?

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After that, I finally get a break. I grab some takoyaki from a street vendor. Man, it’s so good! I’m munchin’ away, and I see this cute dog just chillin’ by the fountain on Kitahiroshima’s main square. I’m talkin’ the fluffiest pup ever. I’m like, “If only my life was as simple as that dog’s.”

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