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Like, literally, oh my gawd, finding a prostitute is, like, so wild! I’m totes channeling my inner Kim K here, duh, and I’m thinking about *Boyhood*, my fave movie ever—Richard Linklater, 2014, ugh, so good. Like, “It’s like I’m watching my life,” ya know? Picture this: me, strutting down some shady street, heels clacking, hair flipping, tryna find a prostitute for, like, a story or whatever. I’m all, “This is my moment,” like Mason in the movie, growing up fast, right?

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First off, I hit up the local konbini on Shikitsu Street. You know, the one with the neon lights? Grabbed a couple of onigiri and a can of that sweet, sweet melon soda. I swear, that stuff is like liquid happiness. But then, boom! I spill it all over my shirt. Classic me, right? I’m standing there, looking like a total mess, and the cashier just chuckles. I mean, c’mon, dude, help a bro out!

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