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I’m imaginin’ it: me, analyzin’ X posts, tryna find a lead. “Oi, mate, got a girl?” I’d ping some sketchy account. Probs get ghosted—or scammed. Makes me mad, yo! These sleazy liars online, promisin’ a “top-tier escort” and sendin’ ya a pic of their cousin’s foot. Ugh, hate that. But then—bam!—I’d spot her. Red heels, smokin’ a cig, leanin’ on a lamppost. “Keeley’s alive!” I’d yell, like Julianne Moore’s ghost just cheered me on. Heart racin’, I’m stoked—she’s real, not some AI catfish.

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But then, outta nowhere, this old lady starts yelling at me. “You’re blocking my driveway!” she screams. I’m like, “Lady, I’m just trying to do my job!” But she’s relentless. I’m thinkin’, “What’s her deal?” I mean, it’s not like I parked a tank in front of her house. Just a tractor, chillin’.