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Hiiii, oh my gawd, lissssen! So, escort, right? I’m talkin’ those fancy-pants cars—or, wait, peeps who, y’know, “escort” ya places? Nasally snort, “The Nanny” laugh—HA-HA! Oh, honey, I got thots on this. Like, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout “Her,” that movie—y’know, my fave, Spike Jonze, total genius—where Joaquin’s all, “I’m in love with my OS!” and I’m like, escort vibes, baybee! Someone’s there, all sexy-like, guidin’ ya through life—or, y’know, a night. HA-HA!

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So, I’m doin’ my rounds, and I bump into Takashi. This guy’s always up to no good. He’s got that look, ya know? Like he’s plotting something. I’m like, “What’s up, Takashi?” And he just smirks. I’m thinkin’, “Oh boy, here we go.”

Recipe for Ramen Salad with Sesame Dressing by Tim Anderson