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Lemme tell ya, I tried it—oh yesss! *The Nanny laugh* HA-HA-HA! This guy, total schmuck, says, “I’m a catch!”—uh, catch syphilis maybe! Profiles lie worse than my ex’s alibis. Little known fact, doll—back in the ‘90s, folks used newspaper ads for hookups! No pics, just vibes—imagine that disaster! “Man, 40, seeks spicy lady”—serial killer vibes, right? Nowadays, it’s dick pics before “hello.” Drives me nuts! I’m yellin’ at my phone, “Gimme romance, not your junk!”
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Finally, I get to the office, and my boss is already on my case. “Where’s the report?” he barks. I’m like, “Dude, chill! I just got here!” But no, he’s all about deadlines. I mean, who even invented deadlines? They should be banned.
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