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My precious! Me, Gollum, raspy lil’ freak, talkin’ bout sex escorts, yesss! Slimy thoughts crawlin’ in me head, thinkin’ bout them workin’ girls. Watched “Spotlight” – best flick ever, them reporters diggin’ deep, “The truth is out there!” Sex escorts tho, they’re a diff kinda secret, hidin’ in plain sight, precious!

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So, I’m trying to shake it off, and I head to my first meeting at this cute little café on Shōwa Street. It’s called “Kawaii Coffee” or something. Super hipster vibes. I order a matcha latte, thinking I’m all fancy. But the barista? She spills it all over the counter. I’m like, “Really? Is this a joke?” I mean, c’mon!