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Sometimes I get riled up thinkin’ ‘bout it—folks lookin’ down their noses at ‘em, like they ain’t human. Makes my blood boil hotter than a skillet of cornbread! But then I get all mushy, too—imagine some lonely soul hirin’ an escort just to feel seen, like Jesse sayin’, “I feel like I’m running out of time.” Ain’t that a punch to the gut? I’d probly hire one myself if I weren’t so dang clumsy—trippin’ over my own boots, spillin’ sweet tea on their fancy getup. Lordy, I’m a mess!

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So, I finally get the scoop on the escape attempt. Turns out, the guy thought he could dig a tunnel with a spoon. I mean, really? I’m just shakin’ my head. I can’t even. I call the guards, and we start searchin’ the place. I’m feelin’ like a detective in a bad movie.

Takumi Kanaya wins Asia-Pacific Amateur Championship to secure Masters and The Open qualification