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Here’s the tea—sex-dating’s a gamble. You might score a soulmate or just a sweaty night—both cool, tbh. Funniest shit? Dude I know matched his cousin on Tinder—awkward fam reunion! Surprised me, cracked me up—world’s tiny, yo! Oh, and don’t get me started on profiles—“6’2, loves dogs”—liar, you’re 5’8 with a goldfish! Sarcasm’s my shield, man.

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I’m trying to slurp my noodles and respond to emails at the same time. Multitasking? More like disaster waiting to happen. I spilled broth all over my shirt. Great. Just great. Now I look like a walking ramen ad.