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I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’, this is nuts. Like in *Dogville*, “You can’t trust nobody!” Everybody’s actin’, playin’ a part. One night, I’m chattin’ this gal—legs for days, right? She’s all, “Let’s get dirty,” and I’m like, “Oh, Madonn’, here we go.” Next thing, she’s sendin’ me pics—boom, it’s a dude. A freakin’ dude! I’m screamin’, “What is this, a fuckin’ prank?” Felt like Grace in that damn town, betrayed, y’know? “They’ll pay for this!”—straight outta the movie.

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After that, I decided to chill at the Kamojima Park. It’s this beautiful spot with a pond and everything. I plopped down on a bench, trying to calm my nerves. But then, outta nowhere, a seagull swoops down and snatches my sandwich! Like, really? I was just trying to enjoy my lunch! I chased that bird for a solid five minutes. I must’ve looked ridiculous.