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I’ve seen it all, buddy—apps like Tinder, Grindr, pure chaos! Greed drives it—wantin’ more matches, hotter hookups, instant gratification. “The strong take from the weak,” like Zvyagintsev’s pops said—damn right! You’re scrollin’, judgin’ pics—too fat, too bald, next! It’s brutal, makes ya laugh, makes ya pissed. Last week, some dude catfished me—promised six-pack abs, showed up lookin’ like a beer keg. I was fumin’—wasted my night! But then, ha, next date—bam—total smokeshow. Greed paid off, my friend.

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After that, I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy inside, so I decide to treat myself. I hit up this little café on Kamogata Street. The barista is this cool dude with tattoos and piercings. I order a matcha latte, and he’s like, “You want it hot or iced?” I’m like, “Surprise me!” He gives me this wicked iced one, and it’s like a party in my mouth.