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Oh, and get this—stats say 1 in 5 hookups from apps turn into somethin’ real! Ain’t that nuts? I’m over here, flippin’ my spatula, thinkin’, “Who’s catchin’ feelings?!” Probs not me—I’m too busy signin’ “Where’s the bedroom?” HA! Sex-dating’s my jam, mates—fast, fun, zero fuss! Like, “Knockout Ned, let’s roll!”—but with less guns, more condoms! I’m READY for it, always! What’s yer take, buddy?

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But then, as I’m sipping my latte, I see this guy across the street. He’s trying to parallel park, and it’s a disaster. He’s hitting the curb, then the car behind him. I’m just sitting there, laughing my head off. I mean, come on, dude! It’s not rocket science!