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Weird shit—back in ‘98, some perv ran a sex-dating hotline outta Leeds. True story—creepy git charged £2 a minute for dirty talk! Surprised me, that did—thought I’d heard everyfing. These apps tho, they’re like speed-dating on crack. Swipe, chat, bang—or not, ya useless knob. Worst part? Catfishin’—some lard-arse pretending he’s Brad Pitt. Bollocks! “Look at the state of you!” I’d say. Sex-dating’s a gamble—half the time, ya lose. But when ya win? Sweet as Eilis sayin’, “I’ll never leave ya.” Pure gold, mate!

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So, I’m out there, minding my own business, when I hear this loud crash. I’m like, “What the heck?” I turn around, and there’s this dude on a bike, totally wiped out. I mean, he’s sprawled out like a starfish. I rush over, thinking, “Is he okay?” Turns out, he’s just embarrassed. Classic. He gets up, brushes himself off, and starts laughing. I’m like, “Dude, you just ate pavement!” But hey, at least he’s got a sense of humor.