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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, and I hate everything. Sex-dating? What a damn mess. Buncha sweaty folks swipin’ right, hopin’ to get lucky. Makes my skin crawl like a bad rash. Watched “Mad Max: Fury Road” again last night—now *that’s* my kinda chaos. “What a day, what a lovely day!”—not this sex-dating crap.

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After that, I head to the market on Kamogata Street. Man, the smells! Fresh fish, grilled yakitori, and don’t even get me started on the sweet smell of mochi. I’m drooling, right? I grab some grilled fish, and this old lady behind the counter is like, “You want some wasabi with that?” I’m like, “Sure, why not?” Big mistake. I take a bite, and my eyes are watering like a fountain. I’m gasping for air, and she’s just cackling. I swear, she’s got a wicked sense of humor.