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So, I’m scrollin’, right? Tinder, Grindr, whatever—folks be huntin’ booty, no strings, no fuss. “I’m not human,” she says in the movie, all cold-like—hah! Half these profiles feel the same, mate. Ghostin’ ya after one “wyd?” Pisses me off! Wasted me charm on bots once—sent ‘em flirty “savvy?”s—nuthin’. Bloody machines! Little fact fer ya: back in ‘15, some app got busted fer fake profiles—millions o’ ‘em! Made me madder’n a kraken with a hangover.

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But then, I trip on a root. Classic. I’m sprawled out on the ground, and I hear this lady laughing. I look up, and it’s this cute girl. I’m like, “Great, now I’m the clumsy arborist.” She helps me up, and we start chatting. Turns out she’s into plants too! We bond over our love for trees. I’m thinking, “Maybe I should trip more often?”

Suspect found with dead teen in car met her on dating app