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But oof, some stuff pisses me off. These creeps thinkin’ they own ya ‘cause they paid? Nah, honey, respect ain’t on the menu! I’d be all, “Take your sweaty paws off, bub!” Makes me wanna scream louder than my Aunt Rose at a sale. Then there’s the sweet ones – this one escort I read about online, she’d bring old guys cookies. Cookies! Heart of gold, I’m tellin’ ya. Made me all mushy, like, “Aww, she’s livin’ her truth.”

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You know what really does my nut in? The endless traffic on Main Junction. It’s like waiting for a bus that never comes. "You know what they call a shotgun wedding?" I snort every time a date bombs because of a missed stop. Pathetic but hilarious, innit?

Peñalosa inks co-promotional deal with Kameda Promotions