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About Saitama

So, picture this: me, sittin’ there, thinkin’ ‘bout how them hands glide over ya, all oiled up, hittin’ spots ya didn’t even know ya had. I got mad once, y’all—some shady parlor tried chargin’ me triple for a “happy endin’” I didn’t even ask for! Rip-off artists, I tell ya. But when it’s good? Oh, it’s like, “I only have my body to offer,” like that movie line—pure, raw bliss. Ain’t no lie, it’s a lil’ secret folks don’t talk ‘bout—did ya know back in ancient China, them emperors used sexual-massage to “balance energies”? Yeah, they was gettin’ freaky for health, not just fun!

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But then, disaster strikes. The projector goes out! I’m like, “Noooo!” Igor’s face goes pale. I’m trying to sign, “It’s okay!” but my hands are shaking. The audience is confused. I’m sweating like a fountain.

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