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We shall fight the fakes, the flakes, the “just here for friends” liars! Cos when it works? Oh, lad, it’s gold. Met this one gal—fiery redhead, legs for days—chatted about dystopias, shagged like the world’s endin’. “Keep the human race alive,” she winked, quotin’ Cuarón’s flick. Nearly proposed right there, I did! But nah, she ghosted—left me ragin’, strummin’ sad chords at midnight.

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I finally get to the conference center on Kamo River Avenue. It’s packed! I mean, like, sardines in a can packed. I’m sweating bullets. Igor’s there, looking all stressed. He’s got this presentation about Russian culture, and I’m like, “Bro, you got this!” But inside, I’m freaking out.

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