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But then, I dunno, there’s somethin’ cool about it too. They’re hustlin’, like Freddie in *The Master*, screamin’, “I’m a man, a man!”—ownin’ it, no shame. Pretty, pretty good, right? I’m slicin’ brisket, thinkin’, maybe I’d hire one—just to talk! Ha! Imagine me, awkward as hell, “So, uh, you like pork chops?”—she’d laugh, I’d die inside. Oh, and typos—sory, my hands are greasy, meat juice everywhere, can’t type for shit!

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Then, outta nowhere, this huge wave hits! I’m soaked! My phone’s in my pocket, and I’m like, “Noooo!” I fished it out, but it’s dead. Just my luck, right? I’m cursing like a sailor. Well, I am a sailor, but you get it.

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