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But y’know what’s wild? Sometimes it’s… pretty, pretty good. Like, I matched this one chick—total fox, played bass, too! We’re vibin’, talkin’ strings, then she’s all, “Wanna hook up?” I’m like, “Hell yeah!”—but in my head, I’m screamin’, “Is this a trap?!” That’s the *History of Violence* twist, man! You think it’s chill, then—BAM—she’s got baggage or an ex with a crowbar! We did it anyway—hot, messy, guitar amps crashin’. Felt like that stair scene, y’know? “You’re the wildest thing I’ve ever seen,” she says. I’m glowin’—then she ghosts me! Typical!

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But then, I see this little kid crying. He’s lost his soccer ball. I’m like, “Aww man, not on my watch!” So, I rally some of the other kids, and we go on a mission to find it. We’re searching high and low, and finally, we spot it stuck in a bush. The kid’s face lights up, and I’m like, “Mission accomplished!”

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