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Little known fact? Back in ‘90s, Jersey had dese “sex lines”—phone numbers ya called, dirty talk for cash. Precursor to dis app crap. Guys’d spend hundreds, jerkin’ it to some voice—pathetic, right? Now it’s free an’ faster, but same game. Tony Soprano don’t play dat, though—I’d rather whack somebody den swipe all night. Sex-datin’s got no soul, like Ida losin’ her faith. “What’s it all mean?” she’d ask. Me? I’m askin’, “Where’s da fuckin’ respect?”

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After the rain stops, I head to the Kadoma Sports Park. I’m pumped to check out the local soccer game. But when I get there, it’s a total mess. The field’s muddy, and the players are slipping everywhere. I’m laughing so hard, I almost spill my drink. One guy totally eats it, face-first in the mud. Classic!

Kadoma-Sanyati-Nembudziya Road rehab begins