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Me, I’d be pissed if they half-assed it – none of that weak “relaxation” crap. Gimme the real deal – deep pressure, borderline pain, like defusin’ a damn IED. “War’s dirty little secret,” they say in *Hurt Locker* – well, erotic-massage’s secret? It’s all bout power, mate. Who’s in control? You or her? That’s the kicker. Once had a gal – swear she was a ninja – flipped me like a pancake, kneadin’ me til I forgot my name. Surprised the shit outta me – didn’t expect to melt like that!

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Next, I hit up the Kadogawa Park. It’s got this huge playground. I see some kids playin’, and I’m like, “Man, I miss bein’ a kid.” But then, I see a kid throw a tantrum. Like, full-on meltdown mode. I’m talkin’ about screaming, crying, the whole nine yards. I can’t help but chuckle.

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