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Little fact for ya—didja know sex-dating’s old as dirt? Romans had “erotic tablets”—saucy messages on clay, no kidding! Imagine Sextus swiping right on Livia via pigeon post. Mental, eh? Nowadays, it’s all d*ck pics and “u up?” texts. Progress? Bollocks! Still, gets the blood pumping, don’t it?

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So, I finally made it to the shrine. It’s massive, like, you can’t even wrap your head around it. The wooden beams, the thatched roof—just wow. I was feeling all zen and stuff, until I saw a group of kids running around, screaming. Like, chill out, kids! This is a sacred place, not a playground! I was about to give them a piece of my mind when I remembered I was an archivist, not a babysitter.

US Marines F-35B Makes 1st Landing On Japan's Izumo-Class Destroyer JS Kaga