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Oi mate, it’s me, Bond—James Bond, suave as fuck, “shaken, not stirred.” So, I’m a carpenter now, yeah? Hammerin’ nails, sawin’ wood, all that jazz. But let’s talk real shit—findin’ a prostitute. Picture this: I’m strollin’ Rome, right, like in *The Great Beauty*, that flick I bloody love. “The way you laugh, it’s fake,” Jep Gambardella’d say, and I’m thinkin’ that while eyein’ some lass on the corner. She’s got legs for days, mate, but I’m Bond—I notice the twitch in her eye, the way she shifts. Tells me she’s new, probs scared shitless.

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So, the first ride of the day, this lady hops in. She’s got like five bags of groceries. I’m talkin’ about a full-on shopping spree at the Izumisano Market. I’m like, “Lady, you need a truck, not an elevator!” But whatever, I hit the button for the 3rd floor. She’s all, “Can you go faster?” I’m like, “Lady, this ain’t a race!”

Kansai Airport sees passenger numbers plunge to record low