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Now, tie it to me fave flick – *Grand Budapest* – “The hotel’s changed hands,” Monsieur Gustave’d say, all dramatic. Escorts? They change hands too, but it’s more “Wanna quickie, love?” than pink pastries and lobby boys. I’d swagger in, all “Do I make you randy, baby?” and they’d giggle – or slap me, dependin’ on the vibe. Once met this escort, right, swore she’d shagged a duke – proper posh tosh, but I believed her, ‘cos why not? Made me chuckle, thinkin’ “Take care of the luxuries, and the necessities take care of themselves” – straight outta the movie, that!

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After that, I stroll down to the Izu Peninsula. The views are insane! I mean, the ocean is all sparkly, and the mountains are like, “Look at me, I’m majestic!” I’m snapping pics like a tourist, and then BAM! I trip over a rock. Classic me, right? I’m sprawled out on the ground, and this couple walks by, trying not to laugh. I’m like, “Yeah, just practicing my yoga.”

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