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Alright, dahling, buckle up! I’m Edna Mode—your car instructor extraordinaire—and today we’re revvin’ into sexual-massage! No capes! Capes are for losers who tangle up in engines, and we’re sleek, shiny, and ready to roll! So, sexual-massage—ooh, it’s like premium fuel for your soul, y’know? Hands slidin’ over you, oil slicker than a racetrack after rain—makes me wanna scream, “I love it!” Like in *Eternal Sunshine*, when Joel yells, “I can’t see anything I don’t like about you!”—that’s me with a good rubdown!

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So I’m walking down Kōen-dōri, and it’s a beautiful day. The cherry blossoms are in full bloom. I mean, it’s like a freaking postcard. But then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and almost takes my onigiri! Like, chill dude, it’s not for you! I’m swatting at it, looking like a total weirdo.

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