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So, escort, right? It’s like babysittin’ fat merchant tubs, makin’ sure no pirate—like meself, ha!—sneaks up an’ nicks their gold. Back in the day, them Royal Navy swabs’d escort convoys, all prim ‘n proper, cannons polished, sails stiff as a lord’s wig. Little known bit, arrgh—durin’ the Seven Years’ War, 1750s, them Frenchies lost nigh on 300 ships ‘cause their escorts buggered off chasin’ glory! Left the traders floppin’ like fish on deck, an’ me kind swooped in, savvy? Made me laugh ‘til me gut hurt, thinkin’ o’ them pompous admirals red-faced ‘n screamin’.

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Finally, I get back to the office, and my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy from the precinct. He’s like, “You won’t believe this!” Apparently, the guy with the ‘stolen’ car was caught trying to sell it online. I’m just shaking my head. Ishii, man. It’s like a soap opera sometimes.

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