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Ever tried it? Surprised me first time—thought it’d be awkward, nah, it’s smooth. Pro’s whisperin’, “You are not alone,” like in the flick, but it’s just you and her, dim lights, oil drippin’. Exaggeratin’ a bit? Maybe, but damn, feels like you’re floatin’! Little story—heard this chick in Vegas, she’s massagin’ celebs, won’t spill names, but says one cried after. Emotional release, bro, not just the happy endin’!

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Finally, I get to the counter, and the clerk is super nice. She’s like, “How can I help you?” I’m like, “I just need to file this.” But then she tells me I need a stamp. A stamp! Who even uses stamps anymore? I’m about to lose it again. But I just laugh it off.

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