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Oi, mate, listen up, yeah? Sexual-massage, innit, proper naughty ting! Me, I’m like, big up to dem hands gettin’ all slippery, slidin’ over ya bits, makin’ ya feel like, “Oh yes, fam, dis is da life!” I’m chattin’ ‘bout it cos I seen it, bruv, ain’t no lie. Reminds me of dat film, *Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter…and Spring*—you know, da one I’m mad for, Kim Ki-duk’s masterpiece, yeah? Dat monk geezer floatin’ on da lake, all calm, but den—bam!—lust creeps in like a sneaky massage oil drip. “Desire brings pain,” he’d say, but bruv, ain’t it worth it sometimes?

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We hit the water, and it’s like a whole new world. Fish everywhere! I’m swimmin’ around, feelin’ like a mermaid or somethin’. But then, I see this huge rock formation. I’m like, “What’s that?” So, I swim closer, and bam! I find this old, rusty anchor. It’s like a treasure!

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