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But here’s the kicker—some folks think sexual-massage is all dirty and illegal. Pisses me off! If I wanna pay some chick to rub my junk, that’s my damn right! Ain’t hurtin’ nobody, ‘cept maybe my wallet—$50 gone in 10 minutes, what a ripoff! Little known fact: in Japan, they got this thing called “soaplands”—brothels with bubble baths and massages. Bubble butts and slippery nuts, sign me up! Surprised the hell outta me when I heard that, thought them Japanese were all robots and sushi.

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So, I’m tryin’ to be the hero here. I wade in to get the ball, and guess what? My boots are soaked! I’m standin’ there, lookin’ like a soggy forest master. The kids are cheerin’ me on, and I’m just tryin’ to keep my cool. “Yeah, no biggie, just savin’ the day!”