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Nasal nag comin’ atcha—Homer’d probly say it’s “fancy rubbin’ for pervs,” but nah, it’s deeper! Didja know it goes back centuries? Like, ancient Greeks were all oiled up, gettin’ frisky massages for “health.” Pfft, yeah right, “health”—wink wink! I read this nutty story once—some king paid gold for a sexual-massage sesh that lasted THREE DAYS. Three! Can ya imagine the cramps? I’d be screamin’, “My back! My freakin’ back!”

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. Like, monsoon-level rain. I’m soaked in seconds. I duck into a nearby café on Sakae-dōri. I’m shivering, and the barista looks at me like I’m a wet dog. I order a coffee, and she hands me this tiny cup. I’m like, “Is this a joke?” I need a bucket, not a thimble!

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