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Now, picture this—me, Donald Trump, chattin’ up a whore, right? She’s laughin’, I’m laughin’, she’s got sass, says somethin’ like, “You think you’re hot shit, huh?” I’m like, “Baby, I *am* hot shit, the hottest!” Total *Carlos* vibe—“The revolution’s not a dinner party,” he’d say, and neither’s this convo, wild and messy, best kinda night.

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First client walks in. This dude, I swear, he’s got hair like a bird’s nest. I’m like, “Bro, what happened? Did a raccoon take a nap on your head?” He laughs, but I’m serious! I start snippin’, and halfway through, he gets a call. He’s like, “Hold up, I gotta take this.” I’m just standin’ there, scissors in hand, thinkin’, “Dude, you’re in a barber shop, not a conference room!”