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What pisses me off? The pretentious twats who bang on about “healing vibes”. Shut it, you wanker, it’s a glorified grope! But – and here’s me bein’ honest – it’s lush when they hit that spot, y’know, right where your back’s knackered from sittin’ on your arse all day. Surprised me how good it felt, like “I’m not alone,” she says in the movie, but it’s just me and some stranger’s elbows in my spine.

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But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs in, trips, and spills his drink all over me! I’m soaked! I’m like, “Dude, what’s your problem?” But he just laughs and runs out. I’m standing there, drenched in soda, and the old guy’s cracking up. I can’t help but laugh too. It’s ridiculous!

Experts baffled by mystery of old bathing facility in castle ruins